If you boil down most relationship conflicts to one thing, it’s communication. Or rather, miscommunication!
But how does this play out in the most important relationship we have? No, not with our family or life partner, our relationship with ourselves.
In our foundational course, we teach that our external relationships are often a type of mirror, showing us things about our internal environment that may need attention. If you are struggling with communicating with others, the question might be: how is your communication with yourself?
Finding the answer to that question can be a journey to say the least. Here’s three tips to get you started on the path to better communication within.
1) Which voice is it?
Yes, we all have voices in our head! Some making shopping lists, some have great ideas and others work hard to talk you in and out of things! There are a variety of influences that can impact the way we speak to ourselves and creating discernment around these voices is key to taking the reins of your inner communication.
Consider how you were spoken to in your early years by those who influenced you – parents, teachers, friends. Sometimes we take over traces of these messages with our own voice and continue where they left off.
Developing a loving communication with ourselves can be challenging if we were never exposed to a healthy communication style growing up. If you catch yourself speaking to yourself in a negative way, it’s a great opportunity to ask if there is value or truth in what is being said. The next step: make a choice (yes, you have a choice!) – how would you like to be spoken to?
This goes for the “inner critic” as well, imagine what a positive style of self-motivation might look like rather than negative. Sometimes when I am up against self-criticism, I’ll say out loud, “you’ve got this” or “I love you”. Even if I don’t totally believe it at the moment, sometimes you need to fake it until you make it!
2) Slow down to observe and connect.
A lot of us are in auto-pilot throughout the day and do not have the focus to notice the inner dialogue that is influencing our behaviour and decisions. Committing to a meditation or mindfulness practice is key to slowing down and observing our inner environment. Awareness is essential to making any kind of meaningful inner change.
Meditation also invites a connection with the pure love of the universe. Tuning to this love and receiving it helps to deepen the process of learning self love. We can then bring the truth of that into our internal communication.
3) Listening is half of communication
We often forget that listening is at least half of healthy communication, not just speaking. Once we start to weed out the inner voices we don’t want to hear, we must then learn to listen to the true voice of self.
We speak to ourselves in many ways, consider how our body communicates to us through sensations of all kinds. The most profound parts of self often come to us through inspiration and “gut feelings” or instinct. Even dreams are a communication system and it all contains our unique signature of self.
A Spiritual practice reaches for the voice of wisdom, which some call the Soul. Learning to know this voice is like a homecoming, something that once you find it, a true connecting with the self can be formed – a deeper kind of communication.
Developing a healthy internal communication dynamic is a lifelong process, be gentle with yourself as you find new ways to listen and be heard within.
If you are looking for a path to deepen your relationship with your Soul, check out the 10-part Heal the Soul Series with the founder of Training in Power, Faye Fitzgerald. This incredible journey of knowing the voice of our highest self is the most rewarding and fascinating path of self knowledge. Join the workshops live on Meetup or listen to the podcast on Spotify.